A Life Is Worth A $1000
Trigger warning for anxiety, depression, and suicide.
Healthcare should be free. It should be included by the government. It’s not about entitlement, it’s about protecting your people. How can you preserve your people if you don’t take care of them? You’d think basic empathy would be a given. I would gladly pay more in taxes if it meant more people weren’t losing their minds from mental health or dying from completely preventable illnesses.
The mental health one though is near to me. I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I need to be medicated to function. That’s not even an exaggeration. I had to leave my job because I was unmedicated and I was having panic & anxiety attacks at work. Which is not a great feeling. But the worse part is that if leaving that job, I don’t have health care. Sure, I have my husband’s again, but that doesn’t make my medication anymore affordable.
$1000 a month to function. That’s what my sanity is worth. That’s how much I have to pay to be able to work. That’s how much I have to pay to just have a job. That’s how much I have to pay to just not want to end it every month.
A life is worth a $1000.
Without healthcare, I’d have to pay $1000 over the counter to afford my sanity. That doesn’t count visiting the doctor to have permission to be sane again. Or a therapist so life isn’t numb.
Pay to be sane. Pay to be able to work. Pay to be able to function.
Don’t and you spiral.
Spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
spiral
Until nothing makes sense anymore. Until the world doesn’t seem right anymore. Until you don’t want to fight anymore.
I can’t do anything, I won’t do anything. There’s no stubborn spite anymore. There’s only the hurt, in me. But I can’t do anything, won’t do anything. I can’t hurt those around me. Empath? Anxiety? I can’t hurt my family, I won’t hurt my family. But not stopping because it would hurt others is not a solution to the pain inside me.
Did I not do enough? Should I have just stayed another day? What if I have been stronger? But I’m not. I’m not. I’m not. I failed. Failure. Weak. There’s no solution. There’s no escape. And so it spirals.
Spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
spirals
I should have been better. Smart. I was smart once, right? I did well in school. I was an honors student. So why can’t I solve any of this? Why can’t I function? Why can’t I solve basic problems? Why can’t I answer the phone? Why am I crying? Why? Why? Why?
Why can’t you feel for others like I do? Why can’t you care about how other people are hurting? Why can’t you see passed yourself and help someone else?
Why is the world burning? Why can’t we be kind? Why do people lie about their faith? Why do people excuse hate with divine love? Why can’t you care?
Why is a life worth a $1000?
I want to work. I want to support my family. I want to function. I want to live.
So why is a life worth a $1000?
Why can’t I? Why can’t I just function? Why gatekeep me from being able to participate me from life?
My life is worth a $1000.